It has been almost a year since my grandmother passed away, but I never really grieved properly. It has been just over a month since my Aunt Linda passed away, and I was very close to her, but still I didn't grieve properly when she passed.
It's all hitting me now. Then there's the grieving for missed opportunities, mistakes made, the unknown.
I should be grateful that I've held up as well as I have this far. I've grown so much in the last year, more than I ever thought I would. It's amazing what can happen when you get out of a toxic relationship. I've had bumps along the way where I've regressed, but they've been fairly few and far between.
That said, I'm coming to a point where I feel like big decisions are about to greet me and I need to meet them head on. Before I can do that though, I need to come to grips with the decisions and obstacles I'm already facing, not the least of which are obstacles at work and prepping for grad school.
I have a lot to think about and work through and in a lot of ways I feel like I'm doing it all on my own.
For a while I had my head above water, which was largely thanks to a few specific people. I've all but lost one entirely and another is moving in two months. I can feel myself starting to slip under, I can see the warning signs. I haven't felt this way in a long time, but if I don't do something soon it has the potential to get much worse.
I'll be fine and I know that, I just wish I had someone to remind me every once in a while.
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