We all say things we don't mean in the heat of the moment from time to time, but it's important to note that just because it was in the heat of the moment does not excuse it.
It's human nature that when someone says something that angers or demeans you that you turn around and say something equally hateful and demeaning to feel vindicated. Many times, what we say is actually even more demeaning and hateful than what was said to us, and usually we're lashing out at someone we know fairly well, someone whose secrets and vulnerabilities we know. In this scenario it becomes all too easy to really hurt someone in the heat of the moment.
"I'm sorry, I got caught up in the moment" is not a valid excuse, no matter how true the explanation may be. Even if both members of the argument were responsible for the level to which the argument escalated, or even if you think the other person is the one who caused the argument to escalate (trust me, both people are usually responsible), what you do is still on you. Sometimes we learn these things the hard way and we may end up losing someone very near and dear to us.
While it's true that the people who love you will forgive you for many of your shortcomings and mistakes, there are some things that can't be taken back; some things cut deeper than others and take a long time to heal. What we say in the heat of the moment is often what we know will cut the deepest and we generally regret saying it as soon as it comes out of our mouths, but then it's too late.
Hurting someone who hurt you might seem like a good idea at the time, but if you stop to think about why it hurt so much, you may realize it is because you care so deeply for the person and what they said really struck a chord with you. Do you really want to hurt these people? Do you really want to push them away with what you say?
Holding back and not retaliating is often easier said than done, but it's worth it in the end. Just remember that what the other person said may not be what they actually feel and may be a mistake of their own. That does not warrant retaliation, but understanding. The people most capable of hurting you are the ones who love you the most and you never know what they may be struggling with in their own lives and thoughts.
If you do end up saying something in the heat of the moment that you don't mean and that hurts someone deeply, nothing you can say is going to make the pain go away immediately. No matter how sorry you are, the person you hurt has every right to be upset, and he or she will be for a while. Apologize sincerely.
Often times people make apologies because they feel obligated, but these apologies aren't sincere and it's just as evident to the person on the receiving end as it is to you. If you expect to be forgiven, you have to be sincere in your apologies. This may seem like common sense, but you would be surprised at how many people, probably including you and I know including me, who back up an apology with an excuse. It is very important that you remember: a sincere apology does not make excuses because it is a concession that what you did or said was wrong and hurtful and that you would like to make up for it.
Making excuses shows that you aren't sorry for what you did, you're just sorry that what you did upset the other person. Apologize for what you actually did and people will find it much easier to accept your apology and move on from the situation.
Not everyone wants to hear an apology right away. Sometimes the best thing you can do is give someone space and time to cool down before you start apologizing. This will ensure that the other person does not blow up at you mid-apology, causing you to retract your apology and do something even more hurtful than you did in the first place. Once everyone has cooled down and realizes how much they regret the entire situation, the apologies and forgiveness will both come more easily.
As I said, some of us--most of us--learn the hard way, and we may not even learn after the first several times. The important thing is that we learn before it is too late.
Love always.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Tests...
From a very young age they become a huge part of our lives. In elementary school they determine if we pass. They decide if we can drive. They decide if we're "good enough" for what we want to achieve.
SATs for college, GRE for grad school. LSATs, MCATs, GMATs.
It feels like our lives depend on them. Then all of a sudden, they do.
Cardiac Stress tests, VAP tests, Pap smears, mammograms, PSA tests.
We spend most of our lives dreading tests--they can make or break us. Some are important, most aren't, at least in the long run and the grand scheme of what really matters in life. Worse than the test is waiting for the results, and sometimes getting the results is the hardest. But we have to take them. They open doorways. The door they open is not always where we want to be going, but we have to at least know what's behind them.
The worst is yet to come, but so is the best. Buckle up.
Tests...
SATs for college, GRE for grad school. LSATs, MCATs, GMATs.
It feels like our lives depend on them. Then all of a sudden, they do.
Cardiac Stress tests, VAP tests, Pap smears, mammograms, PSA tests.
We spend most of our lives dreading tests--they can make or break us. Some are important, most aren't, at least in the long run and the grand scheme of what really matters in life. Worse than the test is waiting for the results, and sometimes getting the results is the hardest. But we have to take them. They open doorways. The door they open is not always where we want to be going, but we have to at least know what's behind them.
The worst is yet to come, but so is the best. Buckle up.
Tests...
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Motorola Krzr through Verizon is a piece of junk.
This is just a warning to anyone with Verizon who is contemplating getting (or who has already purchased) a Motorola Krzr (K1M through Verizon).
Some very unfortunate problems began to arise with my phone a few months ago, first my phone would freeze occasionally, with the screen turning white and the phone becoming entirely unfunctional, but it only happened once or twice and I removed the battery and replaced it and everything worked smoothly.
My battery, however, also started to drain very quickly and it has never been wet. I had planned on getting a new battery from the Verizon store back in NC while I'm home, but then things got a lot worse.
Today, it started freezing and resetting itself every 2-3 minutes. Before it would freeze, it would say NO SERVICE. It's been on a constant cycle ever since.
The interesting thing is that if I catch it before it freezes, I can make a call and stay on the phone until the battery dies. The problem is, ever since this started happening, my battery won't hold a charge. Today my phone was off until 11:30 a.m. I turned it on at 11:30 but did not use it until 12:30. When I turned it on it had a full charge, but by 1 p.m., while I was on the phone, the battery completely died.
Also interesting is that while I'm on the phone it tells me that I have a new picture message, but when I check it, there's nothing there.
The biggest problem? My phone is not even a year old. Another interesting tidbit, if you google Krzr freezing, you find a TON of websites with people on forums describing exactly what I just described. So I called Verizon.
The guy on the other end didn't seem to believe me that there were forums filled with people having this same exact problem and said he would send me another Krzr. Turns out Verizon will not give you a different model free of charge until your THIRD shitty phone. Wow. So this guy has me update my software, reactivate my phone, the whole nine yards, all the while telling me that he'll still send me a backup phone so that if this doesn't work I can get my number switched and, even if it does work, I'll have a backup in the future.
I updated the phone 2 minutes ago (literally) and it hasn't frozen yet, but I'm not counting it out for a while longer. Regardless, he's still sending me the new phone, period. He even tried to convince me to DOWNGRADE to a cheaper phone that I would be eligible to get free in July, even though it's not my new every 2. Sadly, I would probably be better off with a cheaper phone that spent more time in testing and isn't full of problems. This phone has always been slow and had problems functioning, but this absolutely takes the cake.
My advice? Don't get a Krzr unless you don't mind having to get a replacement mailed to you within a year. All of the others who posted had their phones ranging from 4-9 months, so it seems almost inevitable if you have the phone long enough. If you DO get a Krzr, make sure it has the most up to date software on it, so that you're sure it has gone through adequate testing. I will never buy a phone fresh off the assembly line again. I got the Krzr because I loved the way it looked and I wanted it as soon as I could get my new every 2, but that was a big mistake. I wish now that I had let Motorola work all of the bugs out (if Motorola is capable of that) before I got it.
Now obviously this isn't going to happen to every Krzr out there, or even every K1M through Verizon, but the number of people complaining about it is enough for me to question the phones as a whole. You may get the phone (or have the phone) and never have a single problem out of it. But if you do start having these sorts of problems, don't say I didn't warn you.
Some very unfortunate problems began to arise with my phone a few months ago, first my phone would freeze occasionally, with the screen turning white and the phone becoming entirely unfunctional, but it only happened once or twice and I removed the battery and replaced it and everything worked smoothly.
My battery, however, also started to drain very quickly and it has never been wet. I had planned on getting a new battery from the Verizon store back in NC while I'm home, but then things got a lot worse.
Today, it started freezing and resetting itself every 2-3 minutes. Before it would freeze, it would say NO SERVICE. It's been on a constant cycle ever since.
The interesting thing is that if I catch it before it freezes, I can make a call and stay on the phone until the battery dies. The problem is, ever since this started happening, my battery won't hold a charge. Today my phone was off until 11:30 a.m. I turned it on at 11:30 but did not use it until 12:30. When I turned it on it had a full charge, but by 1 p.m., while I was on the phone, the battery completely died.
Also interesting is that while I'm on the phone it tells me that I have a new picture message, but when I check it, there's nothing there.
The biggest problem? My phone is not even a year old. Another interesting tidbit, if you google Krzr freezing, you find a TON of websites with people on forums describing exactly what I just described. So I called Verizon.
The guy on the other end didn't seem to believe me that there were forums filled with people having this same exact problem and said he would send me another Krzr. Turns out Verizon will not give you a different model free of charge until your THIRD shitty phone. Wow. So this guy has me update my software, reactivate my phone, the whole nine yards, all the while telling me that he'll still send me a backup phone so that if this doesn't work I can get my number switched and, even if it does work, I'll have a backup in the future.
I updated the phone 2 minutes ago (literally) and it hasn't frozen yet, but I'm not counting it out for a while longer. Regardless, he's still sending me the new phone, period. He even tried to convince me to DOWNGRADE to a cheaper phone that I would be eligible to get free in July, even though it's not my new every 2. Sadly, I would probably be better off with a cheaper phone that spent more time in testing and isn't full of problems. This phone has always been slow and had problems functioning, but this absolutely takes the cake.
My advice? Don't get a Krzr unless you don't mind having to get a replacement mailed to you within a year. All of the others who posted had their phones ranging from 4-9 months, so it seems almost inevitable if you have the phone long enough. If you DO get a Krzr, make sure it has the most up to date software on it, so that you're sure it has gone through adequate testing. I will never buy a phone fresh off the assembly line again. I got the Krzr because I loved the way it looked and I wanted it as soon as I could get my new every 2, but that was a big mistake. I wish now that I had let Motorola work all of the bugs out (if Motorola is capable of that) before I got it.
Now obviously this isn't going to happen to every Krzr out there, or even every K1M through Verizon, but the number of people complaining about it is enough for me to question the phones as a whole. You may get the phone (or have the phone) and never have a single problem out of it. But if you do start having these sorts of problems, don't say I didn't warn you.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Vaginas and Valentine's Day
It's been a long time, but things have been really hectic.
Vagina Monologues had its two day run, opening night on Valentine's Day, and it was a success! I had so much fun being in the performance and people seemed to really love the show. Some were a bit uncomfortable with a few of the pieces, but that's sort of what the show is designed to do.
Friday night's performance was packed with energy. For some reason the audience was even more responsive on the second night and things seemed to go a lot more smoothly. Even though it was a huge relief to be done with the show, I feel like something is missing in my life. I really miss the girls that were in the show and I'm looking forward to our cast party in a few weeks. :-)
Vagina Monologues had its two day run, opening night on Valentine's Day, and it was a success! I had so much fun being in the performance and people seemed to really love the show. Some were a bit uncomfortable with a few of the pieces, but that's sort of what the show is designed to do.
Friday night's performance was packed with energy. For some reason the audience was even more responsive on the second night and things seemed to go a lot more smoothly. Even though it was a huge relief to be done with the show, I feel like something is missing in my life. I really miss the girls that were in the show and I'm looking forward to our cast party in a few weeks. :-)
When I got back to my dorm tonight, I immedately had a meeting to go to/run. The bell's desk lottery meeting was tonight, so Salvador and I had to lottery out shifts and lay down the new rules/obligations for the bell's desk. The complete lack of respect the employees have been giving the job finally went too far and I sort of snapped. So this semester, rules are going to be enforced and people who do not follow the rules will be fired, period. It feels good to lay down the law and have support from PGP.
So now it's back to the routine. Class tomorrow from 8:30-12:30 and then work from 2-5 and a lab meeting at 5:30. It's going to be such a long day. Hopefully the rest of this week will fly by and I'll get to relax a bit more this weekend.
Keep your fingers crossed!
So now it's back to the routine. Class tomorrow from 8:30-12:30 and then work from 2-5 and a lab meeting at 5:30. It's going to be such a long day. Hopefully the rest of this week will fly by and I'll get to relax a bit more this weekend.
Keep your fingers crossed!
Friday, February 1, 2008
Loss of a brand new life
A friend of mine just lost her child and I can't imagine for a second what she's going through. I've had friends in the past who have dealt with miscarriages and I know it must be hard, but to give birth to a child, hold his hand, and then lose him must make one feel utterly betrayed by God. Even though the baby did not live long, it is so obvious the love my friend had for him and I know that eventually her love for him will get her through it. She has a great support network around her, including the man she loves who is feeling the same pain, as he has lost a child as well. They'll get through it together. I wish them all the luck in the world. It is not going to happen quickly, but the pain will ease with time and I hope that she can continue to be the energetic, bubbly, and outgoing person I remember her being in high school. Nothing changes a person like the loss of someone close, particularly the loss of someone with whom you have developed a bond like a mother does with her child.
No words can begin to offer the comfort I want to offer, but trust that my heart is with you during this time.
No words can begin to offer the comfort I want to offer, but trust that my heart is with you during this time.
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