Actually, I should clarify. This is not always a bad thing. Actually, this is often something on which I pride myself. Not having a filter for what I say, or at least not one so strict as those other people have, has in the past allowed me to really stay true to myself, albeit at the expense of a new friend at times. Still, there are times where the little filter I have ceases to function when it actually should. Whether that's because it's clogged with all the things I filtered the last time I spoke to a distant relative or just because something happened to make it fall out of place, I'm not sure. The one thing of which I am sure is that, in these instances, it's very bad.
What makes matters worse is that once I realize my minuscule filter isn't working properly, I try to backpedal and re-explain all of the nonsense I just let flow freely from my mouth. That never works. Trying to filter something that's already been said is worse than just saying it in the first place. Then, instead of owning what I said like I would under normal circumstances, I beat myself up. In these cases, no one wins.
Tonight was just such a case. I let one simple thing slip past my suddenly indiscriminate filter and there was no stopping the downward spiral.
Not everything needs the direction of a psychologist-in-training. This is a valuable lesson.
Lesson learned.
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